I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We talked him into tasing himself.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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