dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
