tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am spending my child support on dildos
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
