she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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