all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
