It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
