Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He felt like a one man threesome
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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