a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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