True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
