it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
