a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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