So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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