So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
