I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
