She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
