He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
