I just pynch a tree in the face
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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