would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
