I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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