Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
