Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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