So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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