i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
