The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
