Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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