Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize