you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
