I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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