Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
