the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
