Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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