His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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