Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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