how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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