I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
