Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
