Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think my fart just growled at me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dicks are not precious.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
