Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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