My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
