what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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