my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
