my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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