..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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