Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
