eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
