Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
