I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
