Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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