VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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