Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
