Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
