I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
