Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
