The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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