I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
