I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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