I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
