Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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