oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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