Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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