I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
