dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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