I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.